The Box in My Head
I have a box in my head that is filled with heavy, uncomfortable, and difficult things. When I open that box, it takes up a significant amount of mental and emotional real estate. Its’ contents spill into other areas of my brain, limiting my joy, my creativity, and my productivity.
So, I have been reflecting and wondering: This box doesn’t serve me. I need to process it. Let it go. Then I wonder: How can I do that? How can I discard this box?
Strategies for Addressing the Box
I have decided there are a few ways I can do this:
Therapy - Unpack the Box
Therapy (of the emotional kind) is about understanding how we think and feel, and validating this as the experience of being human. In therapy you spend time looking at your past, evaluating how you see the world, and developing new tools and resources to tackle challenges (and often relationships) differently. Therapy could help me sort through this box, understand why the things in there cause me struggle, and through that I could figure out how to process the future of this box and the space it takes in my mind. Therapy takes time, but if I do the work, I will be able to let it go.
Coaching - Reorganize the Box
Coaching can have therapy-esque elements, but coaches are not usually therapists, and vice versa (side note, I am both). Coaching differs from traditional therapy in that it is more about self-exploration through open questions. A session might start with: Where do you want to start with discussing this box?
From there the conversation flows about the PERSON and not the BOX. The coaching conversation dives into the essence of how the box is truly impacting the person and what they want to, and will, do about it. Coaching is unlikely to take as long as therapy as it is very action oriented and can lead to (sometimes) quick results (especially if I commit to, and do, my action items).
Time - Let it Decay
It is known that time does sort through things. Like nature, any box of stuff is likely to get old, moldy, and will deteriorate and dissolve…eventually. Like a family cottage left for decades unattended and unloved, eventually its fate becomes determined by a death, intentional transition, passionate and generous family member, or just nature. Time is often a solution for things that just are too difficult to process in the moment, or for the things we just can’t control. Personally, I know in time my mind-box will be resolved one way or another. The more I let time determine its fate, the more I let go of the control I don’t have. But how much time will that take? I don’t know. And…can I continue to navigate my thoughts and feelings while I let nature take over? In this case, I don’t think so.
Awareness - Keep the Lid Off
Just being aware of the box is another coping strategy. It’s applying mindfulness without reaction or judgement. “Oh, there are thoughts from that box again…”. Once they are labeled, like clouds, the best strategy is to let the thought(s) float peacefully by (if you can). Meditation, Positive Intelligence, and some cognitive behavioral techniques can make looking in the box less painful. Eventually the thoughts decrease in frequency, or move on quickly. The amount of real estate they consume lessens.
Avoidance - Keep the Lid On
Like letting time sort through your thoughts and feelings and the eventual fate of the box, avoidance is another option. Simply said, don’t take the lid off. Bury the box in the back of the mind-closet and don’t open it, move it, or otherwise acknowledge it’s existence. Often with a strategy like this all can be good…until it isn’t. These are the boxes that become front and center issues that we didn’t process when we should have, and now we are forced to deal with them so we can work through something else. In the therapy space I used to ask my clients about how they were processing and feeling about their “accident box.” Those that were trying to ignore the overall emotional impact of the accident on their lives were the ones I worried about the most. Those willing to work through it - early on and while things were still new – did the best. As I used to say to them “avoidance is a strategy…until something else happens…”.
Embracing a Balanced Approach
So, what am I going to do with this box? I think a mix of the main three. Therapy? Yes, of course. The box is full of things I can learn more about to make me better. Coaching? Yes, also of course. Coaching works and will be a great approach to mental clarity sooner. Awareness? I am already practicing that (hence this blog). I know the box is there, I know it is bothering me, and I am labeling and processing its impact. Historically I may have avoided things like this, or let time run its course, but with age I have now have the wisdom to realize that this didn’t work for me. And it was realizing this that led me to better strategies – coaching, therapy, and awareness.
My goal? Prevent this box from becoming a raging dumpster fire by moving towards thoughts and feelings that are comfortable, accepting, and productive. I have other enjoyable, loving, and future-focused things to think about.
Want to talk about the business or personal boxes in your mind? Reach out. I get you.
