19 - L-I-S-T-E-N
50 Years, 50 Lessons
Lesson 19: L-I-S-T-E-N
Some leaders think their job is to be the expert, to tell everyone what to do, and to run meetings through their endless list of updates and instructions.
This philosophy is flawed. I will explain.
The sign of a good and effective leader is in how much they listen, not how much they talk.
Good leaders run meetings by introducing topics, concepts, or concerns, then facilitating open dialogue. They are not married to an outcome and are truly there to get input from those present.
A good leader scans participation and engagement and brings out the quieter people. They encourage dissent and hope to generate open discussion.
But before they can listen, they need to create a safe space for people to share. Many leaders fail at this by being dismissive, judgmental, too quick, or unavailable.
There is a great exercise I have done with people in training sessions. Sit across from someone and have them talk at you for three minutes about anything they want. Just a running monologue about something on their mind. The listener just…listens. Smiles, nods, but says nothing. When the three minutes are up, the listener tells the speaker the essence of what they were saying. To get at the essence, the listener needs to read between the lines, pick up on emotion, and softly observe the energy behind the voice. It’s an impactful exercise and helps people understand their own barriers to active and present listening.
Listening, then, is a skill and one that can be developed. I personally have been working on this for years. It was a huge element of my coach training, and one that is required for effective coaching.
I have learned that listening is not the process of waiting to talk. It’s seeking to understand.
Coaching Thoughts:
If you are listening with a list of things ready to say, you are not truly listening.
If you are speaking 75% of the time, you are not creating space for dialogue.
If you can’t summarize the essence of a conversation, you aren’t present enough.
If you are distracted, admit that, and ask to continue the conversation when you aren’t.
Leave time for sufficient dialogue. Rushing important dialogue is damaging to relationships.
Your turn:
Think of a strategy a leader, colleague, or friend uses to show you they are truly listening?
To All: Thank you for being on this journey with me – past, present, and future.
Julie
